A Mother's Heart

For 30 years, every second Sunday in May I celebrated the most special mothers in my life: my mother and my grandmothers. Throughout the years my aunts became mothers and not so long ago, I received a mother-in-law and sisters-in-law who were part of those celebrated. This was the culture I knew my entire life, celebrating these women on a joyous day devoted to mothers.

This year, I am keenly aware of a new culture, a population of women to which this day brings immense pain. Last year, I was 30 weeks pregnant on Mother's Day and my husband celebrated me as we anxiously awaited the arrival of our first baby. We sent our mothers special "grandmother" cards from Hudson. Little did we know that just a few weeks later we would say goodbye to our son and come home empty. Empty arms, empty hearts, empty space in our home, empty. A mother and a father without their child.

Throughout this walk I've been connected to several women who know this emptiness. They too have longed to hold the child they said goodbye to. For some women it is their first child that is gone and they have yet to have another, finding themselves asking, am I still a mother? For other women, they have gone on to have more children, or they have lost their second, third, maybe fourth child and wish for what would have been, filling the hole that now exists within their family. I've met women who have shared their journey through infertility and the desire they have for a baby, whether one of their own or blessed through adoption, is so strong they would do anything to welcome a child into their lives. For those who have not been able to have a pregnancy or sustain one, they wonder if they will ever have a child of their own. These women possess a mother's heart, but are missing a child to mother. In another realm, but still a grieving one, there are women that have lost their own mothers and the inability to be with her here on earth is overwhelmingly painful especially on a day dedicated to mothers. 

This year, Mother's Day stings, it burns, it hurts. My arms miss the weight of the child that should be squirming around in them and I am not alone. For those who have encountered the loss of a child at any stage or age, Mother's Day can be yet another painful reminder to these women of the one who is not here. Am I a mother? Does my child count? Will I ever be a mother? The questions these women ask themselves as society celebrates the women with children. The visible mothers.

On Sunday, I ask you to celebrate all mothers. There are women with children you can't see because they aren't here. Celebrate them because they are still a mother. 

For those with hearts that ache because you've lost a child, you are not alone. I ache with you. Though it is hard and may be painful, if they can't be here to celebrate us, let's celebrate those children who made us mothers. You had to do the hardest thing there is to do in life - say goodbye. Instead of holding them in our arms, we hold them in our hearts.You are doing the best you can to live in a world without them and you are amazing because of it.

For those with children on this earth, love them so much today and every day. You are so lucky to have them and be able to raise them. You are doing an incredible job at it, even when it feels like you aren't. I know there are times that feel impossible, there are growing pains you have as a mother but you are doing the best job you can, which is the best they could ever have.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers. May your hearts be filled with love for the child that was, the child that is and the child that will be someday.