Sweet baby,
It's a girl, you're a girl!!!
On April 21, our nurse called to let me know my blood test results came back early and to call her whenever your Daddy and I were together so she could tell us the gender. Just like with Hudson, we couldn't wait, so as soon as I could, I raced over to your Daddy's office and we sat in that same parking garage, in the same parking space I think. She called and said everything looked great, the test results revealed that you were 100% healthy so far and then congratulated us on a little girl.
We were so overjoyed to know that you were healthy and to know you a little bit more. I cried tears of joy but there was a little bit of sadness behind it too. The sadness was not because you are a girl, but it was due to the overwhelming realization of everything we never had with that little boy. To switch my mindset and hopes for a child from all things boy to girl, I was sad that Hudson was never here to experience it with. It's hard for mama because it feels like I'm having to "put him away" which all mamas have to do that at some point, when their babies aren't babies anymore, but it hurts because they are things he never had the chance to grow out of or use.
When I came home, I sat in the nursery knowing it was going to change, that I would need to pack away your brother's things to make room for you. I stood in the closet doorway touching his clothes, feeling the tears form. Then I realized the sizing for the time of year wouldn't work for this baby born in October. That even if you had been a boy, I would be packing these things away regardless - maybe for another baby at another time, maybe for good. Just as the big alligator tears started to fall, I think your brother saw a chance to work in my heart. For our gender reveal with him, we had a sign that people marked on to specify if they thought the baby was a boy or girl. The majority thought girl! I never erased the chalk on that board and my glance was shifted to it. I saw all those tally marks for girl and smiled. My girl. This time, here you are. Now, every time I go into that room, I see more and more how it will be yours and it makes my heart smile.
Oh your Daddy has no idea what's coming does he? Last week he and I had a spontaneous date night. We walked up the street to our favorite little Italian spot and along the way, we saw a father and daughter walking in front of us. She was maybe 3 years old with a head full of blonde curls, holding her Daddy's hand, in a purple tutu skirt, twirling and skipping. Her father was also dressed up and was treating his daughter to a date night, just the two of them. I looked over at your Daddy and he had a little half smile on his face watching. I know in his mind he sees that chance with you some day. You two will be thick as thieves. I know the two of us will have our own relationship but speaking as a daughter, there is such a special force behind the father-daughter relationship. You are so lucky baby, you are going to have one of the best ones there is.
I've been "test driving" a few names for you but there was only one that felt right almost immediately. Just like with your brother, I woke up one day and had a strong feeling that it was the name for this baby. I had been referring to you by this name for two weeks but your Daddy wasn't quite ready, however, he had a trick up his sleeve. Mother's Day was hard for your mama this year so your Daddy tried to make it extra special. He made us breakfast that morning and had a card waiting. I opened to find a sweet message about Hudson watching over me and how you would be here before we know it, signed by Hudson and you, revealing your name. It was the perfect gift and we finalized your name then and there. You will share your brother's initials, you will have that special bond no one can break.
My precious Hadley Jane, I just cannot wait to meet you.
All my love,
Mommy
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