Dreams: An Open Window to the Heart's Emotion

Looking back through some files, I found something I had written. Just this past weekend, I had a conversation with another loss mama about this song so I wanted to post.

Written on July 2, 2015

Last night I had a dream.

In my dream we were in a new house with three floors. The bottom floor was where the kitchen and living space was. The second floor was where our room was. The third floor was where the nursery was. The house was very open, few walls, very much like a loft. However, through the course of my dream, the house continued to change. Walls were appearing and making it difficult to figure out how to get from room to room. I kept trying to get upstairs to you but I couldn't find where to go to get there. I woke up in tears. I went and sat in the nursery rocker, to rock myself back to sleep, and I slept in there the remainder of the night.

I feel like as I work on healing, I'm closing off my heart to you as to try not to feel the pain because it can be so exhausting day after day. I don't know how to balance between trying to be strong and keep my emotions at bay, while also keeping it open to still feel the sadness when I need to let myself "go to that place" where I feel closest to you. It's a new battle I suppose.

It made me think of this song, Burning House. I can't listen to it without tears streaming down my face, it feels so much like my heart sometimes.

I had a dream about a burning house.
You were stuck inside,
I couldn't get you out.
I lay beside you and pulled you close,
And the two of us went up in smoke

Love isn't all that it seems.
I did you wrong.
I'll stay here with you,
Until this dream is gone.

I've been sleepwalking,
Been wondering all night.
Trying to take what's lost and broke
And make it right.
I've been sleepwalking,
Too close to the fire,
But it's the only place that I can hold you tight,
In this burning house.

In this burning house.