Beauty from Ashes: the One Wing Foundation

The single wing that started it all

My intention for writing and blogging is a three prong approach.

1. It is incredibly therapeutic for myself. Loss does funny things to a person. I've become more introverted and have felt like I become tongue-tied and flustered when trying to express myself to someone face to face or over the phone about my grief, but I can write about it gracefully and without pause. 
2. It helps others on their grief journey. To be able to read another person's words and have it feel as though you are reading your own thoughts is actually a really beautiful thing. You feel less alone, you realize you are not crazy, and maybe it helps prepare you (and in some cases, lend hope) for things you haven't felt or experienced yet.
3. It gives a non-griever insight as to what life is like for a grieving person. By expressing my sadness, my demons, my pain and my struggles it allows me the chance to help you know how to "handle" us/me right now without having to sit down and have that conversation, person after person.

Since I started blogging again in June, it has been the primary way that I have channeled my grief. A lot of my writing comes from a place of sadness and vulnerability, and those are the emotions that I need to express. If Disney Pixar's Inside Out taught us anything, it is that Sadness is an emotion that needs to be experienced, not suppressed.

However, it is also important to talk about the Joy, which lately, is something I've actually been able to experience more of and without guilt! I've met dozens of loss parents through this and we've all had different journeys, yet all very similar. What I mean by that is that we all felt the same things but maybe at different times or at different stages. Loss made me a completely changed person on the inside in regard to how I now approach life, what is important to me and what is not, and how things impact me or make me feel. I turned a corner with my grief in December and the "me" that exists now is the closest I've felt to the "me" from before Hudson died - which is a big feat. I'll never go back to the same person I was before, but I'm starting to appreciate the different person I am now and concentrate on the ways it has made me better while working on the ways it has made me not so better - those unattractive emotions that stem from loss like the depression, insecurities, jealousy, resentment and anger, or "the uglies" as I like to call them.

In addition to writing, I started channeling my grief in a very personal and constructive way and this was something I referenced previously as a post for another time. Well, this is that post for another time. That time is now, it's finally ready to share.

In December, we incorporated the One Wing Foundation. This is a joint effort with another family of loss, and a new relationship in my life that is one of the ripples, as I like to look at them as, from the impact of loss. Our mission is to raise funds and distribute financial assistance to non-profit organizations that provide resources for the medical, physical and grief recovery of bereaved parents who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss in the state of Texas.

How it Began

The week of Hudson's due date, I sat down to lunch with my mom. In mid-July, I was still in a fog but it was before "the uglies" really set in. I was still in Survival Mode. I had a false sense of acceptance, a little prematurely trying to skip over the part I wanted to ignore, and I was trying to create beauty from ashes. I had been dabbling in plans for how we can make a difference that would allow Hudson to live on in some way. That week I had publicized the #ourbudhud campaign because I thought those inspirational photos would not only be really uplifting for us, but it could be something to make others happy too. Then the snowball effect kept happening.

While at lunch, my Mom pulled out a little gift bag and gave me a gold angel wing that fit perfectly in the palm of my hand, like a hand cross. She then showed me a bracelet that she had on, one that she has had for more than 20 years, with the quote we are all angels with one wing, we must embrace each other to fly. In that moment I received something that resonated deeply within me. I shared with her some of the thoughts I was having, how there are two things that our family knows how to do and knows how to do them well: fundraising and golf. I have spent nearly a decade as a fundraising and events professional in the non-profit world. My Mom has had a career in non-profit branding and marketing. My brothers, dad and husband are big time golfers. My husband enjoying it as his main recreational outlet, one brother played at the collegiate level, one brother works for the Texas Golf Association and my Dad's involvement in tournament leadership for the Byron Nelson Golf Classic.

Looking at our family makeup, I felt like there were some puzzle pieces coming together here but I didn't want to create something just to create something. It needed to serve a purpose and one that helped address a gap. There had to be a need. Mom and I talked about what has been most important to us in that first month and a half and it was the grief support we were receiving, but we weren't sure there was a gap yet. I talked to her about my career dreams and ambitions, how I would love to make this my life's work somehow. We talked about the desire to create a foundation that raised money and awareness for local organizations that had programs and resources specific to bereaved families. I have never felt more called to do something that carries so much importance, something so personal.

While pregnant, one of our nicknames for Hudson was Hudder-Budder. Rhyming Budder with Putter, I told her we should have a golf tournament, the Hudder Putter Classic, played in his memory and in honor of all other angel babies. I held that single wing in my hand and that quote was etched into my heart. We brainstormed and it made us happy during a time of sadness, we were continuing to create beauty from ashes.

The following week, one of the blessings God was sending me in the wake of my pain was the final piece for this puzzle. Though our paths had crossed before through mutual friends and philanthropy involvement, I sat face to face for the first time with another mother of loss, one that sadly was no stranger to grief. She had lost her daughter to stillbirth earlier in the year and during her time of grief, had some of her own thoughts of doing something important. Something that would be able to advocate for parents of stillbirth, provide education to the public, and maybe even raise funds for research. Something to continue her daughter Olivia's memory.

Channeling Grief

Throughout the fall, my friendship with this mother of loss grew and we channeled our grief by discussing our desire to find that something. I shared with her that I had been researching local organizations and what their funding needs were. By the end of October, I felt like I had done enough research to justify a need and to help close a gap because there wasn't enough funding for these organizations to reach the number of families or provide the programming or resources they would like to. We decided to join forces and create a Foundation, for Hudson and Olivia, and for all angel babies and their families. By combining our spheres of influence, we could help fill that gap and provide the funding these organizations need in order to better serve families such as our own; funding for families that are currently walking their loss journey and for those that haven't experienced it yet.

I am so thankful for Holly and the friendship with her that has stemmed from our experiences as parents of stillbirth loss. She has helped me navigate this road and together we've been able to channel our grief positively and constructively, finding that something that we could do. Together. For Olivia, for Hudson, for all angel babies and their brave, strong, loving mamas and daddies that miss them more than can ever be put into words. Holly has been one of the loss mamas that has been my second wing and together we've started to fly a little bit.

The planning for the One Wing Foundation's Hudder Putter Golf Classic and Olivia's Auction with a Dinner and Benefit Concert is officially underway, in addition to some other awareness events throughout the year. All funds raised will be distributed to Texas-based organizations that fit within our funding guidelines of providing physical assistance and emotional recovery to bereaved parents, education or research specifically pertaining to pregnancy and infant loss, or assisting families medically and emotionally during pregnancy after loss.

There are so many other pieces to this that I can't wait to share, but those will come in time. We invite you to stay tuned for additional information about these events, along with other ways you can help!

If you know a Texas-based organization that would qualify for this funding, we would love to hear from you. If you are interested in serving as a committee member, volunteer, becoming a member of our Women's Auxiliary, or if you are a Parent of Loss that would be interested in holding a position as a Board Member or your own fundraising event in honor of your child, we invite you to contact us at onewingfoundation@gmail.com. We invite you to rise above the fog of grief and fly with us.