Three Months

Dear Sweet Hudson,

I can't believe it has been more than three months. As of yesterday, you would have been 14 weeks. To be precise, it has been 99 days since we said goodbye.

Today I felt the need to see you. I went to visit you at the church where your Grandparents took your Mommy and Uncles when we were kids. It is the same church where Mommy and Daddy got married. The church that so many people who love you gathered to mourn your passing. The church where you belong. I enjoyed sitting there and just looking at your name, Hudson John Schlieve. You have a good name. A strong name.

I have your precious picture on my phone and I look at you all the time, it makes me smile. I wonder what color your eyes would be, if your hair would still be dark and curly. I didn't have very much hair when I was born but it was dark and curly like yours. I wonder if you would look more like your Daddy right now or if you would favor me. I hear that can change by the day, especially in those first few months! I take that picture of you, and I rub our identical noses together, like I did with you when you were in my arms. The way I had envisioned doing with you throughout your life.

Your pup George and I sit in your rocker all the time. We rock together holding your hospital blanket to feel close to you. We wrap ourselves up in the monogrammed blanket that Aunt Shelby had made for you. Someday your siblings will get to use that blanket and I will tell them about you. They will share your initials, HJS, so you all have a special bond that no one can break. This is how we can always honor you.

Your Daddy and I miss you. Our hearts are so sad sweet baby, but we are getting better. We are trying to be strong. It is hard sometimes because we wanted a life with you so much. We know you are in a place that knows no sorrow, no pain, no evil, no fear. It has been a struggle, the where do we go from here, without you. We know we want a big family but our hearts haven't been ready to even comprehend another baby, we only wanted you, we couldn't imagine any baby but you. Our hearts have started to change and we are beginning to think about your future siblings. Is that okay? Are we going to be able to do this again?

Be with us as we continue to prepare for a time when a new life will occur. We know you are with us, continue to help us seek strength and happiness together. Continue to show us signs of you from time to time.

I'm always watching for you. I'm always loving you.

Mommy